Apparently, there is a limit to the amount of hell you can put your digestive tract through. One's stomach can only take so many bacon fat 'n cream milkshakes and 'Lil Debbies before it throws in the towel, flips you off and hightails it to Panama.
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Unfortunately, I just lied to you and not only does he still live, breathe and consume everything, Ruben's stomach has yet to escape its life of pig processing bondage. HOWEVER, I think it's high time that we petitioned the government to legally emancipate his stomach from his body. It's just not fair to ask one stomach to shoulder the burden of four. I mean, most cows have four stomachs. Somehow, Ruben was born without three of his. How or Why are irrelevant, because I can't imagine those faulty genetics are going anywhere fast. Sluggish beasts presumably produce sluggish sperms,* so that's not so much an issue. No, the real issue is that slavery is clearly alive and well inside Ruben Studdard's gut. Irony.
*thank God.
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